Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The One-Uppers

I'm sure that you know someone like this.

You might even know a few of them. 

I've tried to remove people like this from my life whenever possible because it's just plain exhausting to know them. 

Besides which, they aren't really friends.  At least not on any two way street.

They are the people who can't ever just be a supportive friend.  Who can't ever just shut up and listen.  Who can't lend an ear without interjecting.  Who can't let anything happen in your life without adding a running commentary to it.

The people who's successes are always bigger.  Who's challenges are always greater.  Who have more money or have less of it, whatever the case may be.  Who love their children more, who say things like I would never let my kids do that

Who had a harder time getting pregnant or who were sicker than you were.  Or who had an easier labor or a more difficult baby.  Who has a better relationship with their spouse and has to gush about it constantly or who wants out more than someone else does.

Who have overcome more.  Who work longer hours or have the better job so they don't have to.  Who have the more expensive purse, the higher heels.  The faster car.

The worse family drama.  The sicker parent. 

Maybe I'm just especially sensitive to it all right now.  I'm sure I am.  I know for a fact that I have far less patience right now than I should.  Maybe these people are just pissing me off more than normal because of the chaos that is my life. 

Or maybe it's just the clarity of grief pointing out that which is so apparent.  I know that I have turned a blind eye to people like this as much as I could. 

Eventually, you can't ignore the obvious anymore.

Life isn't a competition. 

There is something odd about a person who actually tries to convince others and themselves that their life is worse than someone else's.  Why would you do that?  Where does that come from?

When I was going through one of the worst periods of my life, just after Tom finished cancer treatment and I lost the baby, I actually knew someone who would interrupt conversations I had with those who actually cared to interject that she had awoken with a huge pimple.  And how that was the worst thing ever.  And what was she going to do???  And so on and so forth.

At some point, I stopped talking about the real things in my life causing pain.  I didn't want them compared to acne on a daily basis.

Which I also have.  And have had for decades now.  Decades. 

I could never imagine trying to compare that to someone losing a child or facing a life threatening illness. 

But the one-uppers don't even bat an eye at it. 

Clearly, they have it the worst.  Ever.  In the history of time.

If you know one of these people, do us all a favor and tell them to stop comparing every single thing in their lives to everyone else. 

If you are one of these people, do us all a favor.  Please.

Knock it off.


  1. Sending cyber-hugs from across the blogosphere. I've dealt with similar people, and it gets difficult. And I'm sure I've been guilty of it myself, as well. For the record, you strike me as an amazingly strong and beautiful woman, and I am in awe of how you've dealt with the curveballs that life has thrown you.

  2. Awww, thanks. Feels like I'm just treading water most of the time, barely keeping my head above the surface.

    Waiting for a little bit of boring to show up a while....


  3. Keeping you in my heart, Kelly. :-)

  4. So well-put! Why DO they do that? Because we need more, "smile, nod, say thanks" practice? Ick! Oooh - keep a fake microphone handy,(I know, right?) and when you open and they take over - just hand them the mic and walk away! That'll get the point across! Love you, pretty lady!


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