Friday, May 20, 2011

Kids are gross

Really, they are.

It's one of those things they should warn you about. 

Every new parent anticipates changing diapers and occasional spit up...but there is so much more nasty to having kids.  So.much.more.

There are things that will come out of your children you could have never imagined.

And at least one parent has to have an iron stomach. You can't both be sympathetic barfers.  Do not laugh, I'm being completely serious.  Someone has to clean it up. 

When you are dating, it should be one of the things you discuss with a potential spouse. 

Like, in the order of priority:
1) what is your overall philosophy on life?
2) how do you enjoy occupying your free time?
3) does seeing or smelling vomit make you hurl?

I urge you to ask that question before you have kids. 

It doesn't help that I have a herd of them.  This year, I have three entire classes of nasty to worry about.  It's not just my kids and their propensity to acquire germs that is the issue, it's all their classmates that bring stuff to school to share. 

Why do we teach them to share????

Next year, it's going to be four of them.  Four petri dishes that I willingly place my kids in with regularity.  Yippee.

I keep telling myself that at some point, it will get better.  Childhood immunity works that way.  Eventually they get most of the viruses that are passed around, and the lifelong wonder of immunity as a result.  It seems to have worked on Aidan, and even Ashley a little, this year.  They haven't been sick hardly as much as the little ones. 

Of course, Aidan still missed the equivalent of almost a month of school.  Clearly I am delusional. 

Whenever something comes into my house and gets passed around, I feel like we should be good for a while after.  Like we've paid our cosmic barfing dues for the year and should be granted a pass for a while. 

Never seems to happen that way though. 

And people laugh.  Tell me how I remind them to take their birth control.  Ha, ha, ha.  Glad I can help.

I don't need that reminder though, at least not when the kids are sick.   I had two kids and a barf bowl in my bed last night.  There ain't nothing else going on.

Ah, motherhood. 

Ain't it grand?

Today, I'd like to give a shout out to the people at Kenmore.  The ones who clearly have had children, and in their infinite wisdom created a sanitary cycle on the washing machine.   Makes my life a little less nasty.

I said a little.

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