Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Damn you, Hallmark

I went to the store a few days ago to get some things for my little girl's birthday.  I picked up some sparkly new clothes, a bottle of nail polish that is the perfect shade of pinkish purple and a tube of lip gloss with for ages 6+ written on the back. 

You know, because she is 6 now and there aren't many new things that come with turning that age.  She sensed that becoming a year older just had to come with some new freedoms.  Wearing this particular brand of lip gloss falls into that category, and seemed to satisfy her birthday expectations.

Me = winning.

After I'd gathered up some goodies for her, I walked past the card aisle.  Found something cute for her, then turned the corner to the Easter card section. 

I wanted to get Mom a card since we won't see her this Sunday.

She's not getting a card.

I tried.  Really, I did. 

I stood there, rows and rows of cards before me.  I looked and looked and looked.  I know that there were cards there for every conceivable relationship, and there certainly were cards for Mom and Grandma too. 

I couldn't see them. 

All I saw were cards for Mom & Dad.  Grandma & Grandpa

Grief has this habit of sneaking up behind you when you least expect it.  Lurking in the shadows, waiting to hit you where it counts when you have no idea it's coming.  I told a friend that I now know what it must feel like for guys to get kicked in the nuts. Because this is as close as I can imagine it feels. 

I stood there for too long, silent and unable to move.  I couldn't will my feet to walk.  It took everything in me to hold back the tears. 

At the same time, I couldn't rifle through the cards to find one that wasn't for him. 

I couldn't.

Mom, you aren't getting a card this year. 

I tried. 

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