Sunday, March 6, 2011

Man Flu

So half the people in our house got flu shots this year.  The older three kids, the ones most likely to be exposed, bring it home and share it.  I opted not to get one for AJ since he reacts worse and worse with every shot he gets, and hoped that he would be insulated by the shots his older siblings got.

Tom and I skipped them this year. 

I am fully aware that by not getting AJ a flu shot I was rolling the dice.  I know that they are basically the inoculation version of an educated guess, each year's flu shot derived from the strain they think will work it's way around the world.  Sometimes they are right. 

Sometimes the guess is off.

This is one of those years.

Even with the shots, Aidan got it first.  He gave it to AJ.  As of last night, Ally has it too. 

It's just a matter of time for Ashley.  If there is a flu virus in a 25 mile radius, she'll get it.  She always does.

It was confirmed as influenza on Friday at the pediatrician.  AJ was just outside the 48 hour fever window, the antivirals wouldn't do a thing so I didn't even bother getting the prescription filled.

I think it's interesting that every year the kids have had the shots, someone in the house ended up with the flu.  The years we skipped, no one did. 

Ally tends to curl up in a ball and lay on the floor when she doesn't feel good.  That's how she has always dealt with being sick....and to be honest, I kind of like it when she is sick.  Less talking, less antagonizing, less bossing everyone else around.  I can tell she doesn't feel good when she is quiet.

Ashley isn't a whole lot different.  She can run a fever like no one's business, frequently hovering in the 105 range.  She lays around and watches a lot of TV, and doesn't do much else.

No surprise since that is pretty much how I act.  I retreat into my cave and wait to get better, unless I can't.  Then I just function.

Then there is the matter of the boys.  Oh, the boys.

They are more susceptible to the worst strain of the flu.  The one that never seems to affect females.  Some of you may be familiar with it. 

Man Flu.

If you have never experienced man flu, let me describe it for you.

It causes intractable pain, constant whining and persistent demands for gatorade, jello and crackers.  It seems to affect all parts of the body, rendering the sufferer incapable of meeting even their most basic needs. 

Man flu causes the sufferer to wail and moan, makes them simultaneously need medication and refuse it.

Man flu keeps everyone awake at night, even those who are healthy.

Man flu leaves the stricken unable to shower and leaves them incapable of wearing normal clothing.  Man flu requires ice cream and homemade chicken noodle soup.

Those suffering from man flu are unable to throw their own tissues away, clean up their messes or make their own food.

The only cure for man flu is no fewer than 4 days of the couch being firmly held down, the remote control in the sole possession of the ill patient. 

If you or someone you know is suffering from man flu, understand that it is a temporary condition.  All the needing and the whining will come to an end, even if it may seem like an eternity for the caregiver. 

Aidan fought man flu last week, and his battle resulted in no less than 4 consecutive hours of Must Love Cats, several nights of moaning and the consumption of all the Gatorade in the house.

AJ is going into day 6, and he is starting to make me consider adding a kangaroo pouch to my body permanently.  About the only time he isn't following me crying, Mama, I hold you, is when, wait for it, I am actually holding him.

Tom hasn't been stricken with this man flu yet.  It's coming. 

We're going to need more gatorade.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Kelly! I had to read the above aloud to my family. My mom, and between words, I, were laughing hysterically. You are RIGHT ON about the Man Flu! We have been experiencing my dad suffering from it for, what seems, forever. We’re so sorry about everyone sick in your home. We send our prayers. Thank you for a good laugh! I definitely need it!!!

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