Sunday, February 13, 2011

Just Tired

I'm tired of always being one of the first people I know to reach the next phase of life.  In my circle of close friends, I was the first one married.  The first one with kids.  The first one to buy a house.  The first one to lose a parent.

Always the first one.

I'm tired of being first.  

Just once, I'd like to know what it's like to see everyone else get somewhere first.  To not understand what they are going through when they get there. 

I'd like to have more people to lean on when I need to, to ask how they got through when they were in that place. 

I want to hear someone tell me it is going to be okay only when they know that for sure.

I don't mean it of course.  I don't really wish for anyone to suffer before me, especially the people I love.  I don't labor under the illusion that life is going to get easier or less complicated the older I get. 

I am just tired of being first.

Mostly though, I am just tired.

2 comments:

  1. This is just an aside as your post was not asking for replies.
    Maybe I was before you in having a chronic illness/pain and having to live with it without medication because nothing works?

    ReplyDelete

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