Thursday, November 11, 2010

Wishing

I'm sitting here looking out the windows.  Fresh snow on the ground, gray skies overhead.

Finally the sweaters have been pulled out of the drawers, the blankets brought up from the basement. 

Winter is here.

But instead of thinking about all the things I love about winter, or about the celebration ahead tonight for my little girl and her teammates, or the big changes that I hope are coming in our lives soon, I am sad.

I want to wrap myself up in one of those blankets my mom made and cry.

I want to be home for Thanksgiving, but now I know that I won't be.  Wishing that I could won't make it so.

I am thinking about all the things that I am missing in my life right now, at the top of that list are the people that I love back there.

I miss them.  All of them.

I miss my nephew and his deliciously intoxicating baby smell. 

I miss stolen glances of shared sarcasm with my sister in law.

I miss my brother and his laugh.

I miss my Mom.

And I think most of all, I miss my Dad. 

A little piece of my heart is always there, and you all know it.  I just wish it felt like enough.

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