Thursday, November 11, 2010


Birds freak me out.

I'm not irrationally afraid of them or anything. I'm just not a huge fan.

Growing up we had cockatiels and parakeets. Those birds I can handle. Parrots are amusing for a little while, until you realize that they cost a fortune and live forever. I just can't stomach that kind of commitment with a pet.

Pretty much all the rest of the birds in the universe freak me out. I love to watch them fly. I think they are blessed to have that ability. It really would be amazing to fly.  We usually have several different species around here, from the little finches, to the seasonal geese, all the way up to the hawks and eagles.  I do love to watch them soar in the sky, fly in formations, build nests and raise their chicks. 

But I don't want to be right up close to them.

Some birds freak me out more than others, especially at the zoo.  There is one bird in particular that is possessed.  I'm not even sure what it is called, as I try to avoid the exhibit.  All I know is that they have the enclosure set up so the birds are eye level with the kids behind glass.  And when they get annoyed, they peck at the glass.  Secretly, I think they want to eat the kids.

Mmmmmm, kids.  Tasty.

Peacocks are free to roam the zoo, too, walking around amongst the people.  Most people are intelligent enough to leave the birds alone.   Unfortunately, not everyone is.  And like the aging cocktail waitress in a shady Vegas hotel, they just get tired of being chased.  They don't want people to touch them.  And they are snappy.  One of the peacocks actually bit a kid last year.  Can't say I blame the bird, to be honest.  Then again, I'm not about to try and touch them.  Because, ewwwww.

The zoo is home to many native species too, the birds who live here anyway and are smart enough to figure out that if they hang out there, people will feed them.   Ducks fill all the ponds.  And pigeons.  There are pigeons.  I don't like pigeons.  They are the greedy, socially inappropriate bird, wholly incapable of recognizing boundaries.

I was chatting with a friend a few days back, one that I need to mail something to.  It's a big something, fairly heavy.  I asked how she wanted me to send it, and she jokingly replied that I could send it by carrier pigeon. 

If you know how my crazy brain operates, you know what happened next.  A vision popped into my head.  One that I haven't been able to get out since then.

I started imagining giant pigeons.  Pigeons like this.

A sculpture of a giant pigeon in London.  Why?  I don't know.

Huge, like twice the size of people, pigeons.  Pigeons big enough not just to invade your personal space and try to peck at your shoes....big enough to eat you.  Shudder.

Thanks a lot.  As if I didn't like them birds enough already.

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