One of my dear friends has been thrown back into the world of dating. She has herself a new man these days, one who has a past and history all his own. He also has friends, some of which happen to be female. One of which happens to have ruffled the feathers of my friend even though the two women have never met. By ruffling my friend's feathers, she has ruffled mine too.
I don't like to be ruffled. Just as a general rule.
Why are we so terrible to each other? Honestly.
What this other woman said to ruffle feathers is a combination of words that should never cross the lips of a woman. Ever.
She said my friend was just a mom.
As if that lessens her importance in this world.
Being the good friend I am, and trying to serve as a voice of reason, I assured my friend that this other woman was just seeking to categorize her. Turns out that this other woman is very much interested in the man between them. Makes more sense now, right? This other woman was content to be chased, seeming uninterested, but the second he gave up chase and moved on she cried foul. And insulted the new woman in his life, my friend.
I rationalized her comment in my head this way: that this woman sees my friend as a threat. Not just because my friend is now happily dating the guy who used to chase her, but because my friend represents something that she either doesn't want, can't have or has never found a suitable enough partner for. Children.
And this man, the one who used to chase the other woman, is falling in love with my friend and her children. He has even mentioned wanting some of his own one of these days.
Clearly, what this other woman thought he wanted wasn't what he wanted at all.
He didn't want a self absorbed, no holds barred, take no prisoners career woman. He wanted a woman who is grounded, balanced and represents a level of stability. He doesn't want the high maintenance hairstyles and fake nails and smoking hot spends a ton of time in the gym every week body. He wants the girl who colors her hair at home, who paints her toenails after she puts her kids to bed and who has a body marked with evidence of children. He doesn't want the games and the guessing. He wants honest and real.
He doesn't want perfect. He wants perfectly imperfect. Because he's learned that is far better.
My friend is a mom, but she is so much more than that. We all are.
This friend of mine is on the path to becoming a midwife. I have a law degree. I have female friends in every career imaginable, from doctors to teachers to accountants. Some have left their careers to be home. Some knew from the start that they were going to devote their entire lives to raising children. Some struggle to find the work/home balance. Some seem to somehow do it all.
Regardless of whatever else we do in our lives, we all have one thing in common. Our children.
All of us, I guarantee, define ourselves first as mothers. Whatever else we are, a distant second. Everything else we are is far less important.
Being a mom is the single most important job I will ever have in my entire life. It's the only one that is going to matter when I am gone.
So this other woman doesn't want kids. Fine. I have no problem with that at all. In fact, people like her probably shouldn't have kids anyway to be totally honest.
What this woman doesn't seem to understand is that she will never ever succeed at making another woman seem less important because she is a mother.
My friend is everything else she is, and she is a mother.
And, last time I checked...my friend was the one with the guy.
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