Friday, October 22, 2010

The City

Last night I drove around downtown, really drove around downtown, for the first time since moving here.  We've been here for over five years now, and it's rare that I make the trek anywhere near Denver.  I'm not sure why.

When we lived in San Diego, we never really lived in San Diego.  We lived in the suburbs.  We lived away.  And yet I'd find myself there almost all the time.  I knew the streets.  I knew my way around.  I knew where the best hole in the wall Mexican restaurants were.  I knew where the best parking spots were.  I worked there.

When I lived in LA, it was the same. 

There is something so alive in a city, something that can never exist in a place like where I live now.  It's a little hard to describe, but all I can say is that you just feel it when you are there.  Some people can't stand the crowded spaces, the traffic, the hustle and bustle.  And some people, like me, thrive on it.

I love the tall buildings of glass and metal, reaching to the sky.  I can sit in the city parks and watch the fountains all day.  I am constantly in awe of architecture of the past, the details and the design. 

As I drove through downtown last night, unsure of where to go, feeling a little bit lost and overwhelmed, I missed knowing the city.  I missed feeling like I was part of that vibrant life.  I missed standing among skyscrapers, feeling so small and insignificant, yet strong and important at the same time.

In my past life, I was supposed to be there.  I was supposed to be working in one of those buildings.  I was supposed to be hurrying across busy intersections.  I was supposed to be taking coffee breaks in the park. 

In my past life, I was there. 

As much as I love and adore the life that I have now, with a little feverish boy in a blue footie sleeper curled up on my lap, I still sometimes wonder what my life could have been. 

And, maybe that is the real reason that I stay out of the city.

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