Monday, August 9, 2010

Done

I've been thinking a lot about what happened yesterday. Well, okay, a lot of things happened yesterday and I have a tendency to over think things, so I'll be more specific.

I've been wondering if I really could be done.

As in, not wanting another baby again. Ever.

This is the first time in my adult life that I can identify this feeling, and it's strange.

I've come across a great number of women in my life who could say with absolute certainty that they were done. Some knew that they only wanted 2 or 3 kids. Some knew when they were pregnant the last time. I've even known a few who swear they felt that feeling the first time in the delivery room.

I always figured that there was some reason they felt so sure. And some reason I didn't.

To be completely honest, I really should be done. Four kids is a lot these days. We've stretched our budget to the point where I don't think it could be stretched more. We've pushed the envelope of capacity in passenger cars. My grocery bills and laundry piles would scare most people.

I should be done. By any conventional means, I should be done. I just never felt that way. Until yesterday.

I always warn people not to do anything permanent as far as birth control measures go until one of the following things happen: your youngest is either walking or turns a year old. That's about the time that my heart would tell me it was time for another one. Once I no longer had a baby anymore.

My baby will be two next week.

And, so it seems, I am okay with that.

4 comments:

  1. I am a sad that you think this way. There are alternatives to birth control-as in, birth control, the way most people think of it. When do we become God and get to decide to prevent ourselves from becoming pregnant in a foreign way? I am sure you know about Natural Family Planning. It is the most effective and non-invasive way to not become pregnant due to monetary, medical or psychological reasons. I have no assumptions you will not be posting this on your blog. I am probably alienating you. I wish it didn't have to be that way. God bless you dear one.

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  2. I appreciate your comments Marie. :) I am a naturalist by trade as a doula, and know all about NFP. Don't get me wrong, if I were blessed with another child, it would be completely fine with me. This is just the first time in my adult life I haven't wanted another one.

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  3. Thanks, Kelly. I really appreciate your response. It helps me to understand where you're coming from.

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  4. Bless you Kelly for being honest and knowing what you are capable of. For your choice and your reflection, I honor you. No one can live your life, and no one can judge your decisions. You are a refreshing voice for many and no one has the right to judge or question your choices. They are yours, and because you make them with deliberation and conviction, they are right.

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