Sunday, August 15, 2010

Away

Today is the day. The one that means I will pack up my things and put them in the car and I will drive away.

Away from here.

It doesn't matter how many times I do it. It doesn't matter how many times I leave. It doesn't matter whether it's by plane or car. It doesn't matter what is going on here or there.

It never ever gets easier to leave.

I wish that I could find a reason that seemed good enough to go anymore. Find a reason that could justify living so far away from here. I wish that all the things that drove me there initially still seemed like they mattered.

I wish there weren't other things to think about now.

I wish that I still believed I was doing the right thing. That I did the right thing. I wish that I still thought moving away was the best decision for my family.

I wish that all the pros still outweighed the cons.

I wish that things were different.

And I wish, oh how I wish, I didn't have to go away.

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