Thursday, July 22, 2010


I feel like I'm being pulled in about a million different directions right now.

Everyone, it seems, needs something from me. Needs me to do something. To be something. To fix something.

And then there is the matter of all of the things that I wish I had the power to change.

That list, it grows.

I posted on facebook a few days back that I wish that for a day things could go back to the way they used to be. But then I would miss them more than I already do. God, is that the truth.

What I wouldn't give to turn back the hands of time. To un-do things I have done. To un-make choices I've made. To right the wrongs of the world. To warn my past self of the things that would come.

I'd like to have the chance to spend more time working on relationships, some of which have suffered as of late, others which have been made stronger by the cruelness of urgency.

I'd go back and tell myself to worry about the things that matter. Forget the rest.

But I can't go back in time. Even if I could, I'm not sure that I'd want to. Especially if it really was impossible for me to change the course of events. Then I would just miss it more.

My way of dealing with all that I have on my plate right now is to imagine embodying the concept of serenity.

I've been repeating the Serenity Prayer to myself a lot lately. Not because I am a terribly religious person, but because it brings me peace. I think one can be wholly spiritual without the building and rules, but I suppose that is a topic for another day.

God grant me the serenity to change the things I cannot accept, to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Sometimes this comes to me in the middle of the sleepless night. Sometimes as I stare off into the glorious sunset. Sometimes when I am rocking my baby to sleep.

Sometimes it comes to me in peace. And other times I feel like I am screaming it, much like they used to on Seinfeld.


I have to keep my sense of humor.

Serenity now, insanity later.

1 comment:

  1. The Serenity Prayer is the one my mom kept to keep herself sane when her brother committed suicide...he was 21, she was 18. Even today, I sometimes think to that prayer...and like you, I am not religious...but sometimes you just shouldn't mess with perfection.


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