Friday, July 2, 2010

Porch

I am alone. Sitting on my front porch right now. Watching the sky as it tries to storm. It's thinking about it. Trying. The rumblings from above gradually getting louder.

My front porch. My refuge these days. I always wanted a house someday with a big giant wrap around porch. The kind with a swing and tables and chairs and plants and latticework. With flowing vines and pitchers of lemonade. Somewhere that I could see myself growing old someday.

My porch now isn't the one of my dreams, but for now it'll do. It has come to serve an important role in my life.

For it is here that I sit, more and more often these days. Alone.

It is here that I ponder my universe. Where I think and over think. Where I try to find answers to problems without solutions. Where I dream of what might be. Where I wish for what should be.

Here is where I have watched a mother bird try build a nest. She moved on from my porch, but built somewhere nearby, and today I watch as she teaches her babies to fly. There are five of them. Oh, that mama bird. Sometimes I think she was sent here for me. I think in some ways she is me.

Here I sit now, listening to the gentle rustling of the leaves. Amazed at how fast this cottonwood tree we planted four years ago has more than doubled it's height. The plants I skeptically put in the earth as tiny bits of nothing now fully grown and mature.

Here is where I am now, alone. Waiting for another storm. The storms that seem to come without regard to what I want or need. The storms that, at least so far this year, have not been followed by a rainbow.

I can handle the storms. But I need the rainbows too.

Here I sit. The wind picking up and changing directions. Swirling around my head. Forcing the mama bird to reign in her babies. The storm that was just trying is now doing. And here I am. Waiting.

I can face this storm. I just pray and I hope that there is a rainbow on the other side.

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