Saturday, July 24, 2010

Over

I am over committed. It's a life-long problem I have.

I also lack the ability to say no. I'm trying to learn, but it's hard.

Usually, it doesn't bother me. I really and truly believe that if you need something done, ask a busy person. I happen to usually be busy, and I usually get things done.

I've put a lot on my plate lately, which isn't really anything new and different.

I'm just in a different place right now. And I don't much care about a lot of the things I need to be caring about. That I'm in charge of. That other people are depending on me for.

I've been this way before, once. I can remember with vivid detail the first day I went back to law school after Tom had been diagnosed with cancer and had emergency surgery. I walked into class, criminal law, and I just didn't care. Life was different now, more important. And the rest of it, the stress of school and everything, it just seemed manufactured and artificial.

I no longer worried about being called on by the professor and not being prepared to answer every single possible question they could have posed. I didn't stress about getting a certain grade. If I didn't get my assignments read, I'd catch up or I wouldn't. But the world wasn't going to stop turning either way.

I got over it eventually, to some degree. I never went back to the person I was before though. And in a lot of ways, I wish that I would have just stopped going to school all together.

That place I was in then, it's a lot like the place I am in now. Difference being, back then all I really had to worry about was me. And Tom. And school.

Now there are so many other things.

And this time, they matter.

3 comments:

  1. Your character and heart and thoughts and decisions are inspirational. You make it ok to be human. Like I said before, let people help you. Ask for help. Work on "NO". You are definitely not lacking in motherhood. You need your time now...even if it's saying "no".

    Love you and I am always sending my best to you and everyone that matters to you. I am thankful for everyone around you and in your life. Envious, no. Thankful, YES.

    When you wake up each morning (this is your homework should you accept it), first thing, think of TEN things that you are thankful for. You'll see, it won't be difficult to do for you. By doing this, you'll be feeding the "good wolf"...don't feed the "bad wolf". I'm sure you can figure it out.
    ~G

    <3

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