Friday, May 21, 2010


I am unemployed. I don't have a "real" job. It's the truth. I haven't in a while, and the last few jobs I had weren't real ones. Part time fill-in-the-void jobs maybe, but not real ones.

I get harassed about this from time to time. And let me tell you, it gets old. Damn old. Like so old I want to scream. I'm sick of it. And I'm running low on patience right now.

I have lots of education in my past. Lots of degrees and training and preparation, it's true. And I have the giant student loans to go with it all. The loans that are the dark and looming cloud that follows me everywhere I go, a constant reminder of what could have been. Where I was supposed to be. What I was supposed to do. But I'm not that person anymore. I am mom. And I'm the stay at home variety.

I don't have a job. At least according to some people.

I think it is somewhat amusing that those who claim that stay at home moms don't work have never done it themselves. Never had to clean up barf for 6 hours straight or hold down a screaming toddler at the pediatrician's office. Never had to chase a running four year old who knows no fear. Never tried to grocery shop when the cart is already full of kids and there isn't room for food. Never drove to the same school six times in one day. Never tried to mop a floor with three helpers. Never gotten up every single morning and done it again.

They have no idea what they are talking about.

I've had jobs. I've even had "real" jobs. Being a mom is harder. Promise.

I've talked many times about getting a job. I can't though. I have way too many prerequisites for this job. This job doesn't exist. If you've seen it, let me know. I know about a hundred moms who would love to apply. Here are the requirements:

1) It must be between the hours of 10am and 2 pm. I can't do earlier or later, have to drive kids to and from school.

2) I have to be able to leave anytime, with a moment's notice, because my husband's real job is too important for him to leave when something happens.

3) I need to be able to answer the phone all the time. I don't care what you want me to do at work, the kids might need me, and they are WAY more important than what I am doing here.

4) I need sick days. A ton of them. Not just for me, but for anytime any of the kids are sick. No, my husband can't do it. See #2 above for reason.

5) I need the summer off. You heard me right. The whole thing. Again, see #2.

6) I also need all school vacations off. All the random teacher work days, need those off too. By now you know to see #2.

7) Oh, and the first Wednesday of every month, need to be off the whole morning. Late start for all schools in the district. (You know where I am going with this...)

8) I need off for all important class parties and days that the kids receive awards or do presentations. The kids won't remember the things I am there for, they will remember the one time I'm not.

9) The job must not involve any more interpersonal drama than I can handle. I get enough with the kids and the teachers and the friends and the moms and the PTO.

10) You have to pay me a lot. Like, A LOT. Enough to make me feel like my education is being put to good use. Enough to buy me clothes that I could actually wear to work. God knows I don't have any of those anymore. And enough for me to get my hair cut and dyed on a regular basis. I need to look presentable. Not to mention paying for all the gas and incidental day care I may have to pay for.

Have any of you seen this job? I've been looking for years. Until you find it, stop giving me a hard time for staying home. I'll let you do my job anytime. We'll see how easy you think it is. Maybe, just maybe you'd realize that being a stay at home mom is a job. A real one. It just happens not to involve a paycheck.

I'm unemployed. But I promise you I work harder now than I ever have in my life. And even though this job doesn't pay, it's the best one out there.


  1. The paycheck for the job your doing now will come years down the line with wonderful, fantastic adults that are your children. It is the most important job you could ever have. And the biggest sacrifice. I am sorry, but one can not have it all.

  2. Right there with you! I have a temporary gig that is just for fun! I could use that job you described though! Let me know if anyone answers your ad, maybe they could use two folks!


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