Sunday, May 30, 2010

Hole

I'd like to crawl into a hole for a while. I'd like to dig deep into the cool earth and tunnel out a secret place just for me. I could hide there when I need to escape everything else for a little while.

I'm a worrywart with a mountain of things to be concerned about. I'm a busy person with a serious overcommitment problem. I'm a neat freak in a house of chaos. I'm calm and balanced on the outside, but there are times that I just want to scream.

I'm a daughter and a mother, and I am having a hard time being both right now.

I could learn to let go of worry in the hole. Maybe.

I could learn to say no in the hole. Doubtfully.

I could keep my hole nice and tidy. Only as long as no one finds me.

I could scream in the hole. Quietly.

There are so many times that it would be nice to run away from it all. From everything. It just always seems like no matter how much is going on, there is always something more. Some new worry, some new responsibility, some mess to clean. Always.

But I'm not out in the yard digging a hole. Not yet anyway.

Though I'm not the biggest Foo Fighters fan in the house, I love them. Dave Grohl is seriously one of the funniest, most musically talented men of our generation. Plus, he got to hang with Kurt Cobain, so that just makes him awesome automatically.

I heard this song for the first time a few months back, at just exactly the time that it rang the truest. When I was traveling from one piece of my life to another, sitting on an airplane wondering why this was all happening. Music has a way of doing that to me.

I've found myself listening to this particular song a lot lately. Especially when I want to start digging that hole.

As Dave sings,

When the wheels touch ground
And you feel like it's all over
There's another round for you
When the wheels come down

Though there are days I want to grab my shovel and dig that hole, I haven't done it yet. If and when I do, I'm taking this song with me.

I have started to really hate that cliche that God will give you only as much as you can handle.

I'd be okay with handling less. Really.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONkiLR5Ehys
Foo Fighters, Wheels

1 comment:

  1. I have a shovel. Problem is you gotta come out sometime. When you do there is sunshine. Even on the cloudiest of days, there is sunshine.

    ReplyDelete

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