Thursday, May 13, 2010

Fence

I'm torn. Not quite sure what to do right about now. I've been doing this for a while now. I started it as a way to get back in the habit of writing on a regular basis. To refine my style.

I started writing a book before this. And I stopped. It got too hard, emotionally, for me to work on it all the time. Essentially, it is a memoir, though I'm not sure it will stay that way. I'd prefer to fictionalize it eventually. It's a hard thing to relive those times in my life.

I have since started another one, I think. I'm not sure where the second one will ever go, if anyone else is ever permitted to lay eyes on it at all. That one I work on diligently. But for what? So that I can read it? What's the point, right?

I've been asking myself that lately.

I say that I want to be a writer. I consider myself to be one already, I guess. Just an unpaid one. I've published things before, though wholly unrelated to anything I write about these days. That was in my former life. Back when I was going to be an attorney, passionate about public interest law. Back then.

I've been debating whether to push the blog further. I have opened it up to more people lately, drawn in followers and readers I don't know. There are tons of ways that I could market it more. Attempt to connect with blog networks. Get advertisers. Figure out how to generate an income from it. It would be a lot easier to sign a book deal if I already had an established following, if I ever get to that point.

Here's the thing, though. I'm not entirely sure I want to. I write the best about the things that mean the most to me. And I'm not entirely sure that I want a whole bunch of complete strangers to be reading these things.

It's my fence and I'm sitting on it.

2 comments:

  1. Go back to the beginning of this entry. Where you speak of the book you started, but was out of your comfort zone. Revisit those hard times in your life. Start there. Don't think about what you will or won't or should or could do with it. Just start with that, for nothing or no one but you. You'll feel better AT LEAST, creativity will unleash itself through avenues of pain and the two will improve. Even if your memories are treated like crumpled balls of unlined paper strewn all over your home, write them down. They want to come out before anything else and are key to shortening any fence.
    It's hard, forcing yourself to exercise writing skills with uncomfortable memories...but trust me, you'll be laughing when writing of the GOOD ones too. Periodic. Detailed. Daily. 5 minutes, 10 minutes.

    That's my input, and of course I'd love to know how it goes should you go with it. Oh don't worry, it's not about talent or creativity, it's about busting through a 'block' that happens to be an onion of too much.
    ~G

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  2. I have a good friend who has a very successful blog. She is part of Blog Her network and goes to conferences and everything. She gets a ton of free stuff for trying the products out and giving her unbiased opinion online. You can check out her website: EvolvingMommy.com. It is really good. Like you, I've thought about fixing mine to look pretty and doing more. But who really has the time? I can not imagine those who actually have to go to work and parent...that must be tough. But,if you think it is something you want todo...go for it girl.

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