Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Place

I'm angry today.

And I'm sad.

I don't do well with either emotion. Especially when there is virtually nothing within my control to change the circumstances causing those emotions. I'm a control freak. I like to believe that I can fix things. But I can't. Not these things.

That reality makes me angry and sad even more.

It's one of those downward spiral kind of things.

But I have to find a way not to be angry and sad all the time. I have four little people who need for me to find a way.

Part of it, I know, is just exacerbated by the fact that I am tired. I can't sleep, at least not in any restorative way. My subconscious thoughts and feelings come at night when I am trying to push off the conscious ones. And they are no less real to me. No less disturbing.

I talked to a friend yesterday about how we should just both go to our happy place, where ever that may be. But then I realized that my happy place and my sad, angry place are the same place. Here. For what keeps me going right now are my children, and they are no less a part of my reality than everything else happening around me.

I will get through this, somehow. We all will. It's not like we were given any say in the matter.

Life doesn't work that way, now does it?

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