Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Jealous

There are a great many emotions I don't do well with. Anger. Sadness. Envy. I'm feeling that last one today, and I know that I have to get over it. It serves no real productive purpose. And it is one of the seven deadly sins....the worst of the worst.

I see people around me all the time that make me feel this emotion. The old couples at the store together. The home full of aged, frail grandmothers and grandfathers that the Cub Scouts sang carols to this past Christmas.

Some friends of mine are blessed to still have their grandparents with them. Who can regale in the tales told by their family elders. Who look forward to family reunions, 50th anniversary parties and 80th birthdays. Who can watch the parents of their parents live long, fulfilled lives.

What bothers me more are those who complain about the things they need to do because they still have their grandparents. The things to help their grandparents. The smells of their homes. The trips to the doctors. The holiday dinner traditions and the arguments about who goes where. What I wouldn't give to have those problems.

My grandparents have all been gone for a while now. The last left our world when Aidan was a baby. None of my kids ever knew any of my grandparents. I have a few pictures of Aidan with my Grandma Doll, but he was less than a year old. He has no real memories of her.

So here I am, with no grandparents left. And dealing with a very serious illness in the only layer above me left on my family tree. I have many friends in the same position I am. And I can't help but think that we are all too young to be dealing with these things. That there is inherent unfairness in the way of the world.

Why do some people still get to have grandparents, when mine are gone? Why do some people's parents look forward eagerly to retirement and fabulous trips, while mine spend their time going back and forth to doctor's offices?

Jealousy and envy are not flattering traits. I know that I need to remove them from my life. But it's hard.

I see old couples walking hand in hand and a little part of my heart breaks. I wonder what my grandparents would be like today if they were still here. Someday I hope to be lucky enough to know what my Mom and Dad will be like at that age. And I pray that they will be able to walk hand in hand for many, many years to come.

To all those out there reading this blessed with grandparents and parents, whether they be healthy or ill, take some time to be grateful for them today. Sit down and listen to them tell the same story for the hundreth time. Take them to their favorite place for lunch, even if you've been there again and again. Help them, but be grateful for the fact that you have them to help still. There are many out there who would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

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