Saturday, February 27, 2010


In case you haven't noticed, I've been gone for a while. I'm back now. Back home. Well, back here. At this, my current home, anyway.

You'll have to forgive me if it takes a while for me to get back into the swing of things. To readjust to my routine, to normalcy, to schedules.

I feel like I've been through hell and back a few times in the last 8 days. But in those days, I have learned a great many lessons, been reminded of ones I learned long ago, and been taught many more that I cannot yet fully comprehend. That understanding will come with time, and time alone. If it comes.

I've learned that there are people in this world that I can entrust with the care of my children at a moment's notice. Even if they are sick. Even if they are scared. Even if I am far, far away.

I've learned that my children can survive without me, and me without them.

I've learned that my husband can make lunches and fold laundry and figure out school schedules and drive carpools and bake birthday cakes.

I've learned that I can wear the same pair of pants for 5 days in a row, and that I can be okay with it. Totally okay with it.

I've learned that I can function pretty well on almost no sleep. For over a week.

I've learned that I am solid and steady and strong. And I've learned that other people see this.

I've learned that there is a tremendous need in this world for male nurses.

I've learned that despite everything I've ever believed about someone, none of that matters at the end of the day, because that person cares deeply and truly.

I've learned that a few beers makes it easier for me to get on a plane, but nothing makes it easier to leave.

I've learned that I will probably never forgive myself for some of the decisions I've made. But that's the thing about life. There are no d0-overs.

I've learned that sometimes there is no answer to the question of why things happen. Sometimes a best guess is just a shot in the dark.

I've learned that sometimes miracles require a lapse in supervision.

I've learned that stubbornness is a scary, but useful personality trait sometimes.

I've learned why they say medicine is a practice.

I've learned to say what I have to, and to listen when I need to.

I've learned why hospital ice is the best ice in the world. It's because there has to be something redeeming about the place.

I've learned that sometimes I really don't have anywhere else I need to be.

I've learned all these things, and more. Some are new lessons, some are reminders of ones I've learned before. And there are many more I find myself still trying to sort out today.

I woke up this morning snuggling with a baby boy. One I hadn't seen in over a week. I'm home. And just for a moment, all was right with the world.

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