Thursday, January 21, 2010


There are a great many things on my mind this morning, most of which revolve around the fact that people I love are hurting. The things that happen to us on this journey through life are not always fun. They are not always fair. I find myself questioning why things happen the way that they do.

I keep reminding myself that things always happen for a reason. One which is divinely guided and that we have no control over. And that we have no power to change. I keep trying to remind myself of it anyway. I struggle with believing it. I need a little help with that this morning.

I cannot comprehend why people with the purest of souls, the best of intentions and with more love to give than anyone else does are left wanting. And why others, with no rhyme or reason, are blessed with gifts that they don't appreciate. That they don't want. That they don't care for. Help me to understand.

I cannot comprehend how it's possible for our bodies to turn inward and attack. I understand the science of it all, for sure. I just don't get why. If we are truly created in the image of something greater, then why are we so terribly flawed? Help me to understand.

There are times, like today, when I am almost envious of those who are blindly faithful. Who don't need help to see the reasons. Who are content to go on, believing that these are things we are not to know. And that find peace in not knowing. I'm simply not that way.

It's not that I am a non-believer. It's not that I have no faith. I do. I just wonder why sometimes there seems to be such a great inequality in the woes of the world. Why the struggles always seem to rest a little more squarely on the shoulders of a few. If there is an answer for that, I would venture a guess as to why. It's because there is some truth to the saying that God will never give you more than you can handle. I guess I just wish he didn't always feel so compelled to test me, to test those I love.

I know that I will never receive an answer for my questions, at least not while I am in this life. I know that someday it will all make sense. I just need to have a little more faith.

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