Sunday, December 20, 2009


I started going to bunco a few months ago, dragged there by a friend who had been with the group for years. I only knew a couple of the other players from seeing them in passing at school, but decided that I would go and see if I had a good time.

I've played bunco before, with a couple other groups. But this group was the first one that I really fit in with. At least without trying. It's an interesting dynamic, for sure. Any decent sized group of women is sure to be filled with some kind of drama at least occasionally.

The last group I played with was filled with women who obviously all felt like something was missing in their lives. All had husbands with good jobs. All had kids. Some worked part time, but most were stay at home moms. And they were all missing something. None of them seemed content with their lives, for whatever reason. Perhaps it was because they were all too busy comparing their lives to the lives of the others. The proverbial grass was always greener. Or so they thought. It was funny for me to be there, since I'd met many of them while working at a local kid's clothing store. They, the loyal customers. I, their "employee". They could look down on me, feel sorry for me. When they found out that I lived in homes not much different than theirs and had more education than they did, they suddenly didn't like me as much anymore. They couldn't pigeonhole me and make themselves feel superior. Needless to say, I was never invited back to that group. And even if I ever was, I wouldn't be going.

This group is different. Very different. Another bunch of moms, though more work outside the home in this group. Their homes are well kept and warm, not cavernous and showy. They actually care about each other, not just pretend for the 3 hours a month that we are together. It's different. Maybe the thing that makes it so different is that we all recognize the imperfections in our lives and embrace them. We are not embarrassed by them, glossing over the unkind details. We lean on each other and we ask one another for help. We commiserate with one another, rather than judging. All this, and I have only been a member of this group for about 6 months.

Aidan asked me a while back what bunco is. I laughed a little. He asked again. He must sense that I am always insanely excited about it, and so he naturally assumed that it must be something really, really fun that he is missing out on. I told him that it's just a game, played with dice. Nothing else. He nodded his head, a little confused. Why would I be so excited to play with dice? It's because bunco isn't about the game at all. It's about the time, the friends, the food and of course it's about the drinks. It's about the only thing most of us do in any given month that is just for us. There aren't any tasks to be completed, no errands to run, no one else needs us to do anything for those 3 hours. It's not about the game, really.

To the lovely women who have welcomed me into their group, I thank you. You all really have no idea how much I needed this in my life right about now. Or maybe you did, and you needed me too. I'll see you all in a few weeks. The dice are waiting, and so am I.

1 comment:

  1. That's awesome that you found a group of women that you can feel accepted in. It takes a while, but I think we all find our niche. My mom's group is like that. I formed it starting on and the group of us stuck. Some have come and gone, but there is a group of us from the first couple meetings. Two years later, and all of us still "fit". We love being so casual and non-judgmental. Like you, I look forward to my therapy session free of charge.


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