Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Back

We are back home and life is attempting to return to normal. Well, whatever normal is anyway. Normal is far from it these days, and most things just seem like going through the motions. It's hard to put into words what happens when your priorities are tested, but it's not a pleasant experience.

There is a saying that you can't go home again. And it's true. God, is it true. It sure would be nice if it wasn't though. If it was possible to reverse time. To go back to a place where innocence reigned. Where parents were invincible. Where time seemed to creep forward ever so slowly, rather than racing by as it does now.

There are choices in my life that I have made that I question. Right now, that seems to be a constant. The primary one of course, is my choice to move. It was not an easy one. It was years in the making. And it was done for the right reasons. It was done for the sake of the three little lives I was responsble for then. I don't know if it was the right decision. I hope it was. It doesn't seem like it today.

If I could be in two places at once, I would. If I could magically transport myself from here to there at a moment's notice, I would. And today, I know in my heart that if I could move back, I would. If only. I can't.

The only thing harder than being there for someone when they need you is knowing that you can't.

2 comments:

  1. Thinking about you and your family during this hard time..hugs

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  2. I totally understand. We are here alone too. The decision to move was for the kids of course, but sometimes after getting home from visiting L.A. means that I feel a little guilty for keeping my kids so far from their grandparents and cousins....which when growing up and up to the moment I decided to move here was not something I even considered happening. I thought my sister's kids and mine would see each other all the time and I would have my mom to help, or me to be there and help her. Isn't life strange. Keep on keeping on.

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