There are 73 shopping days until Christmas. Normally, I'd be halfway done shopping by now. But this year, for whatever reason, I haven't even started. A few weeks back, I asked the kids what they were going to put on their lists this year. They are being surprisingly practical and realistic this year, which is nice. Usually, Ashley asks for things like a pony. Aidan wanted a $300 remote controlled Dinosaur robot last year....and clearly that didn't happen.
In the spirit of the season, I decided yesterday that I would write my own list this year. Last year, I only asked for things that I really needed. Things that were practical. Unexciting things. Things like vacuum cleaners and dining room tables. Mom things.
Here is my Christmas list. Some of the things on it are impractical. Some are necessities. Some are straight out of my fantasies. A girl can dream, right?
1. I'd like a pair of pants that fits. A pair that neither falls down constantly or showcases the muffin top. Yes, this is on the top of my list.
2. I'd like a pair of scissors and a roll of tape that stays in the place where I put it. That doesn't get relocated to a desk in someones room. That isn't rendered useless because the blades are stuck together.
3. I'd like a pedicure more often than once every three years.
4. I'd like to outgrow acne before the wrinkles really take hold.
5. I'd like hair color that actually covers gray hair.
6. I'd like a sock fairy. I loathe folding socks, and if someone could just magically do that, my life would be that much improved.
7. I'd like a self cleaning toilet.
8. I'd like to be able to keep a pack of gum in my purse without it being discovered by children.
9. I'd like a Coach purse. But considering I've never in my life spent more than $14.99 on a purse, that's not bound to happen any time soon. I could totally not ever justify that.
10. I'd like a place in my home that I can sit to relax and be left alone. Even if it's only for a few minutes a day.
11. I'd like a silver mommy bracelet for AJ. I have them for all the other kids, but didn't get one for AJ yet. Maybe before he goes to college.
12. I'd like a nap.
13. I'd like a pony. But I'd like a pony that I don't have to clean up after and that I don't have to take care of every day. (Hey, I never said this was a realistic list!)
14. I'd like a houseplant. One that doesn't die if I forget to water it for a few days.
15. I'd like a tropical fish tank.
16. I'd like a bra that fits, doesn't need constant adjustment and doesn't look like a mom bra.
17. I'd like to be able to wear a black shirt for longer than 15 minutes without being slimed by one of the kids.
18. I'd like a really big, really fancy Christmas tree, covered with thousands of tiny lights. But I want someone else to put it up, clean up after it and take it down.
19. I'd like to forever escape the responsibility of cooking turkey. Though I like roasted turkey as much as the next person, I hate the whole preparation process. Smells like a wet dog.
20. And I'd like a family vacation to somewhere far away and tropical. I'd like to sit with my toes in the sand and watch my children play close by in shallow safe water. I'd like a trashy novel and a tan. And I'd like someone to bring me drinks with tiny umbrellas in them.
C'mon Santa. You can do it, right?
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