Monday, October 5, 2009


Sometime last week I wrote about neighbors and I alluded to the fact that we have a very bad relationship with one of them in particular. Well, let's just say that things have gone from bad to worse.

Now, I really do try to see the best in people. And I really and truly do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. But once they use that up, it's hard to get it back from me. And once you get on my bad side, there's not much hope of ever returning to the good one without drastic measures.

This particular neighbor tried so desperately to be friendly with us when we first moved in. Mostly, I think, it was a desperate ploy for attention. And it failed. Things came to a head one morning with a screaming confrontation over something our cat may or may not have done. And then that cat mysteriously disappeared shortly thereafter, and I will always suspect there was a little foul play involved. Can't prove anything of course, so there is no point accusing. We just mostly try to avoid this particular neighbor whenever possible. Which is damn near close to impossible because of the proximity to our house.

During the last month, we've been moving the kids rooms around, and there is one piece of furniture, a chair, that doesn't fit anywhere anymore. It needs to go. But we have no way to move it, and it is currently sitting on the front porch awaiting a trip somewhere else. I knew the instant we put it out there that it would infuriate the neighbor, which made it a little more fun. I have to say, one of my bad personality traits has always been that I love to antagonize people.

No surprise we got a letter from the management company this weekend. You see, our neighbor is on the board, and has nothing else to do than nitpick about other people's houses. And we knew the chair would grate on his nerves. And it did. He took the occasion to find other nagging things wrong with the house that we now are forced to fix or be fined for. How could he possibly think that there might be a valid reason that we have a chair sitting on the front porch? Does he really think we are intending to leave it there permanently?

So, today, I waged war. I phoned in a little complaint to the city. His yard has never been in compliance with the city landscaping codes. He never planted the trees he was supposed to. I just thought the code enforcement division might like to know that. Assuming that he is forced to do what he was supposed to and plant trees, it will literally be the end of his universe. He loves his grass. He nurtures it, almost like it was his child. And the day he is forced to dig a hole in it, I'll be sitting on my front porch, drink in hand, watching and laughing.

Don't piss me off.

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